The day after Thanksgiving

This year 2008 is ending much batter than it began. Coming upon the holiday season and Thanksgiving come and gone was wonderful. It was so great having no fears about going to family dinners and not feeling like I had to eat if I wasn't hungry yet and everyone else was eating. The food was there and I was able to eat it when I was hungry.

I ordered a couple of IE books and they finally cam in today and I persuade my hubby to let me have one and the other one he can wrap for Christmas. I can't wait to start ready. The one I really wanted to read first good thing he didn't know which one was the one that I really wanted most or he would have made me wait. It was the "Intuitive Eating", By, Evelyn Tribole, M.S., R.D. and Elyse Resch, M.S., R.D., F.A.D.A.

The other book was Breaking Free from Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth. I also was able to order a book on EFT: The Promise of Energy Psychology: Revolutionary Tools for Dramatic Personal Change by David Feinstein (Author), Donna Eden (Author), Gary Craig (Author), Candace Pert (Foreword), Mike Bowen (Illustrator) "Your emotional health, your success in the world, and your level of joy can all be dramatically enhanced by shifting the energies that regulate them..."

That one isn't in yet but I am very interested in learning more about EFT. These books are my Christmas presents this year and I am so excited for them. I am so eager to learn more and keep feeding my motivation.

Tomorrow I am planning on decorating my home for Christmas. I love decorating, the lights the way they glitter in the dark. It brings extra warmth to the heart and is so peaceful.

I deserve it!

I put up a post on the through thick n thin blog about my new goals and I wanted to put them in here as well.

I have decided to only now wear my pedometer when I am working out. I am setting my nightly jog goal to hit 5000 steps and if I go on a walk or do some planned work out I will wear it then as well.

I think part of me feels like I am wearing a leash or something and it has been taking away my attention from things I would like to really get done. It is simply all just a mental thing for me I can't explain it but these goals I have set up I think will be good for me and help me stay motivated.

I also decided to write out my to do list on a peace of laminated paper and use a dry erase marker for daily things I would like to get done. I am finding it very helpful because seeing all the things get checked off really helps me to feel accomplished.

I always seem to over look the little things that I do, well maybe they are not little but what I feel is expected of me as a stay at home mom that is home with 5 kids some times 6 kids around all day every day. So if I have my check list and marking the off when I have time to reflect on my day I can then let it sink in wow I did do all that and I deserve to say good for you!

Jamie

what a week

Man I hate this time of the month one minute I am happy another I wanna cry or I want to rip some ones head off!

My mind is so full of so much crap I can't even think straight!

I guess the company my hubby was supposed to start working for now has him on another list and it doesn't look like he will start working for a while they have no idea when they will get to him.

In a way it's not a bad thing it looks like he will be home for Christmas. But the thing that makes it so stress full is that this guy the recruiter keeps saying call back or he will call and get voice mail and keep calling and get told to call back at this other date it is so frustrating. He is still looking to see if there are any more jobs but nobody is hiring.

I guess Bush just put out a new thing and it added another 13weeks to the unemployment benefits because there is just nothing out there for people that are getting laid off (like my hubby) It sucks!

We are getting by with what we have and are just trying hard to find something.

Now that the holiday season is upon us we are trying to find ways to get little gifts for people. Isabelle and I are making picture frames out of big sticks, those tongue presser kinds. I got a big box of them at walmart for like $2 and some paint and stencils. Of coarse what makes the whole thing will be the picture I put on it. I'm gonna get the kidos all dressed up and take a Christmas picture.

Isabelle's been having fun painting and doing this with me, we have much more to do but we have time still.

Trying to find patients to do this project with her can be hard when all the other little kids wanna do it too and once I get things set up of coarse there are things that go wrong and then pain ends up every where. I have to keep bringing myself back into the positive state which is wicked hard at this time of the month!

oh well it will get done and people will love it.

I gotta take care of my monsters now enjoy your day!
Jamie

Definetly life changing

It is happening again, my life is transforming and molding to a better me. Trying to explain and get others to understand this process is so hard. If they don't know what it is like making these changes than they will have a hard time trying to make sense of all this.

I told my husband about how I decide to stop wearing my pedometer for a while. I didn't say I was throwing it away or getting rid of it. I simply said I was giving it a break.

It brought back memories to when I told him I was sending our scale to live with his parents. I would have just trashed it but to make him feel better knowing it is there and can grab it when ever than we settled on the middle ground.

Now the pedometer is not a threat to most I have just been feeling that same "guilt" feeling. I have been paying too much attention to the numbers and not how my body feels. There isn't anything wrong with a pedometer, it was great for me it got me motivated and was a daily reminder to keep me moving.

I don't know maybe I am just seeing how I can do with out my training wheels on. Like the the scale it was great seeing the numbers go down and got me motivated, well it got to a point where the numbers stood still or only budged every 2 weeks causing me to check almost daily.

I don't need those distractions. I guess I am just finding out that my internal signals are gathering more strength and now I need to prove to myself that I can do it with out see any numbers. I need to set goals ones that I know will get me the 10K steps a day and not caring if I know exactly what number I did hit.

I have been seeing my daily routin and if I stick to it or even if I add more I will hit the 10K and mayeb more.

Getting this new found strength from with in is giving me more motivation and today being day one with no pedometer and allowing myself to be set free of the training wheels I feel great! I had so much more energy and my thoughts were much more positive.

I don't know if the pedometer was the cause of the "guilt" feel but I do know that I have been relying on it in the wrong ways.

Kinda like the clock, when I first started and as some one else mentioned at the McKenna site. When you feel hunger first response to that feeling look at the clock. Old habits is it time to eat? does the clock know if your hungry? NO

Same for me with the pedometer, just because I get x amount of steps doesn't mean I wasn't doing something more. There is plenty more exercise than your feet moving.

So now for me my goal is to keep moving! I basically know what can get me 10K a day and will keep with it and I have a strong feeling I will end up maybe going over. Who cares I am not in training and what is most important is that I am moving my body.

Jamie

First of many family gatherings this Holiday season

Well today was the first of many more holiday gatherings. My hubby's Mem took the family out to lunch for a Thanksgiving dinner. It was his moms side of the family and all her brothers and nieces and nephew a big bunch.

They are all of different sizes very French and loud too. I had a good time and at first when the food came out everyone was digging in. My son who is 2 & 1/2 was sitting on my lap and I was busy with getting him all set up and then getting my plate together. I had noticed that I had eaten my first few bites too fast a lot faster than usual. I was so happy I picked up on it right away. Everyone else was eating so fast I just fallowed along.

So I put my fork down and I took a deep breath and I was better the rest of the meal. I felt bad because I kept on thinking it was kinda sad in a way how this family has treated their bodies.

My mother inlaw is doing the Atkins diet and went off of it today and will be going on and off through out the Holidays.

She sat back and said she would probably not eat the rest of the day she was so stuffed. I was trying real hard not to pay much attention to how others were eating and felt bad that I wasn't sure was I judging them? But I thought about it I think I was just reflecting and taking note mostly about how I used to be. I was there and new look at the control I have. I don't need to cheat or stuff it in while I can.

Even though I had my son on my lap the entire time, I was still able to enjoy every bite. I had some conversation and took it slow. It was a family style dinner, with chicken pasta and fries and of coarse rolls and salad (which was drenched with their dressing).

Everything was good and even sharing my food with my boy I still had food left on my plate. The servings of chicken are so big we both didn't finish it. But I guess watching how many times each bowl of fries or chicken got refreshed I think I lost some of my appetite thinking how quickly things were disappearing.

Anyways I am proud of my adventure today, and I know I will be able to make it through this Holiday season with no worries and know that I am healing and I am doing great!

thoughts

The feelings are so empowering I can't even explain them
The shadows creeping and crawling along the dirt as if they are chasing
The fear of what linger with in them but I'm not scared
I want to shout and jump with joy
They are getting further away
I have beaten them
Even if they return I have the strength
The courage to get beyond those creepy crawly things
They are not to fear unless you think they will hurt you
Keep your head up and breath
Don't be worried or scared
You are not alone we are here
So let your light shine bright and SMILE!

Stepping stones

I have so much going on in my life right now. My hubby got the job with the trucking firm doing trucking over the road and we are not sure when he will be going out to start, so frustraiting not knowing when.

Then there is always the thought of money and the holidays. Of coarse running the household and paying bills, and then there were the changes at the McKenna site, but that has all been settled now (thanks to Shannon!)

But yesterday morning I was finding it hard to pull myself out of the emotional ball I felt like I was a water factory I kept getting teary eyed over thinking too much. So I thought about all the gatherings we or maybe just me and the kids will be attending this season. Starting with Thanks giving, I thought well, I don't have any dress up clothes. Man that broke out a spark, this year is so different! this time last year I was dreading to buy yet again new clothes because I didn't have any big enough to fit me.

I was feeling it getting excited about OK hubby is home I'll go shopping for a couple of new shirts not too dressy and some slacks. A few minutes before I was going to leave my mom called to tell me about a family meeting we are going to be having. My mem has been diagnosed with dementia (so wasn't my grammy she is in FL)and I guess there was some kinda argument or something about the new puppy at my mem & peps house and my mem's shoes got chewed up and she just had it, they had been looking to get rid of him he was too hiper for her. So my mem just up and walked out of the house and went on a walk. Ya it was dark and my pep called the police and my dad & uncle they were all looking for her.

I guess she was gone for about a half hour when finally she just walked back in the house. Luckily nothing happened this time. I mean I hear about all these other stories how people take the car and don't remember where they are or things like that. The Dr. just told her she can't drive anymore. Ya it's a big mess, and my pep isn't in good health either he has emphysema and a bad heart. He recovered from Colin cancer like 6 years ago.

So I left going to the store with so much on my mind, far from those good feelings I had finally started to spark. It was great I got in the store and was looking in the ladies section and was finding a few things. I kept on looking at this one shirt and was thinking ah no it's gonna be too clingy or not fit right I must have passed it like 5 times and finally said it wont hurt me to try it on. Think about it how many times have I tried something on and it not look right. I grabbed it and a couple of other shirts and a camisole and some really comfy dress pants.

I couldn't believe it! I got teary eyed again! But this time was because I have never once been able to just pull something off the rack an entire out fit and for the first time everything was amazing! I couldn't stop looking in the mirror. My eyes were so watery and I couldn't stop turning, plus the way the mirrors were I could see all of me behind and all.

I didn't feel fat I wasn't depressed because I had to settle with something that looked ok. I had on something I really liked no loved and it was right off the rack no going to grab the next size up or it just didn't fit right.

Bring on the parties people I'm ready to shine!

In that dressing room it helped remind me that everything will happen at it's own time. Just let it happen and tend to it as thing come along.

Keep trusting in your faith and you will be guided.

God Bless

Jamie

Gonna need the extra lovins

Well, my hubby has taken the job with Swift an over the road trucking company. He will be leaving for orientation either next week Nov 18th or Dec 9th.

I know this brings a lot more change in my life but I feel that God has helped me prepare for this.

My first step was starting Paul McKenna's system back in March, and then come June my hubby got laid off. Then that same morning he came home from being laid off he got signed up to go to school to get his class A CDL licence. It's been 5 months and he passed his test and now has his licence.

Along the way I joined the great community at the Paul McKenna site back in July. I was feeling great and losing weight and there wasn't anyone to help share in the excitement and to understand all my life changing experiences. Going to that community and becoming one of them helped fill a void in my life.

I was no longer feeling alone and have been able to see that my changes and experiences actually help others to change and experience thing. A circle of new friends and a new addition to my family.

So now with more changing on the horizon I know that I will make it threw and this will only help me to be stronger. My hubby going over the road will not be for ever, just until he can get the experience he needs to find the right job close to home and home nightly and not just 2 times a month.

I so very grateful to have made friends with all of you. Thank you and I am not going to ever stop saying thank you!

From my heart I thank you!
Jamie

Fears to moving forward

In reading Roses post on the through thick and thin blog I have been going back and thinking up the excuses I used to have why I can't lose weight and be successful on any diet.

Of coarse when you first hear of Paul's system you think great I have no will power, how the heck am I supposed to do this? What if I don't lose weight? Well, it wouldn't hurt to just give it a try. Heck I am already over weight and stuck in this spot in my life why not.

In talking to some friends that are trying to lose weight and knowing they want it so badly and yet when they ask about how to start or go about fallowing Paul McKenna's program if they are not truly ready for the life change it's almost like an automatic defence mode and the excuses pop up to why they would fail before they even try.

One things that most irritates me is that people work in all different environments and I've found that the attack on me of being a stay at home mom w/ a daycare should be the easy way to lose weight. Now I never say to anyone that they have it easy because of their job situation. I know that everyone has all sorts of stress and things that need to be worked through.

I have these 2 friends that both want to lose weight, one is ready and understands the idea of everything and wants me to help her. The other when we were talking about weight loss in general seemed like she was on the attack about everything. My hubby sounded just like that at first. They in a way would say, well you have it easy your at home all day and don't have to worry about when you get a lunch break and how long you have to eat.

I get so irked by that because, I am around food and have it right there when ever I wanted it. That is part of the problem to my being over weight. I was the one hiding in the pantry because I never made the time to enjoy the food I really wanted to have. I was the one who was snaking along with the kids because the food was there. I was the one nibbling endlessly while putting the food together for the kids and when it came time to eating my meal I ate even thought I wasn't hungry anymore.

Fear of over eating all day. I know what others feel as fear is starvation. Worrying about when they will get their meal and how long it will take.

We all have a fear but that is what is making us over weight. We need to slow down and think how can we fix this problem.

Mine is doing the best I can not to nibble when hungry hold off and I will truly enjoy each bite and just because the food is there doesn't mean I need to eat it. Trying my best to hold off and when it's a good time to eat when I know I will enjoy every bite then that will be my reward. Just because I am home with kids all day doesn't mean anything. I used them as my excuse to why I was gaining weight.

As for others like my hubby when he was working I would say you have control over what food is around you. You pack your own meals to eat just enjoy what time you do have when you are eating. When you slow down your eating and pay attention it doesn't take 20min to eat a meal. Your shrinking your stomach how much food do you think it takes? Bring things that don't take long to prep before eating. Stop fearing the starvation and look at what you have to work with.

No matter where you work once you start eating what and how your body wants you will find so much more energy and in turn probably start working better and have a clearer head after your break. Which will lead to more steps on the pedometer. Making extra steps to the copier or taking the stairs more. Even just stopping for a couple of min out of your day and march in place (works great when things are a little stressed) pump them legs and arms and watch the steam drain out of your head.

I feel much better now, I've had these thoughts bottled up for a while now and just had to share them.

Jamie