I don't want:
to doubt myself or aways wait and wonder if others approve
to abuse myself anymore verbally and emotionally
to care about what others might or might not be thinking of me
my physical appearance my attitude my personality
to want to struggle with worrying about fluctuation with my body size lil snug today= evil voices lil looser today= more evil voice
to think about what each bite of food is doing to my body, I hate picturing my body parts growing after 3 bites!
the rebellion after I have restricted myself so much I have it I binge to feel something different even tho it makes me uncomfortable
I don't want to feel lost, alone, confused, ugly, lazy, guilty, the obsession over food and body!
I WANT!
to believe the feelings when I do feel beautiful I want to hand onto them and keep them in my heart
to laugh out loud and mean it
to talk and be confident
to reach out and grab life keep it simple and live!
to bring back all the joy the things that make me happy
to see myself in the mirror and not some distorted image I have ingrained in my mind
to keep taking the next step forward no matter how hard it feels
to keep this healing going
I want to be me dammit!
I want to be with no ugly shadows or voices
I want freedom!
I may not go through the struggles on a daily basis and yes they are happening less often but I don't want to have to worry when, when will the trigger go off? Whens the next shoe going to drop?
Now I know what I don't want and what I want it's time to keep on trucking.
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